Strange Brews: Kelpie Seaweed Ale

Kelpie is an aptly named stout-ish ale brought to us by the Williams Bros. Brewing Company out of Scotland. It was brewed by the Brothers in homage to traditional 19th century beer brewed in the coastal alehouses of Scotland. Have you figured out what it is yet? Kelpie...aptly named...coastal alehouses...could this beer be brewed with fish? If that was your guess, then you are weird. If you guessed seaweed, then you probably read the title of this post. Congratulations, you can read.

Before this post gets into full swing, I must confess: this beer is not as strange as it sounds. Yes, it is brewed with seaweed. I'm sure that sounds odd to many of my readers (i.e. my mom), but one type of seaweed (called Irish moss) is commonly used as a clarifiying agent in the brewing process. Bigger breweries may not use seaweed, but you will often find a little viles of dried Irish moss included in most starting homebrew kits.

Given seaweed's proclivity to clarify a beer, one wonders what if any flavors fresh bladderwrack would add to your run of the mill batch of brew. I admit I am probably the only one wondering this, but a segue was needed to get to the meat of this post. So, what the hell does a Seaweed Ale taste like?

Wherein I Describe The Beer

Kelpie is very dark brown in color and opaque. It has a luxurious head that laces the glass as I drank it. It smells of roasted malts and chocolate, but (and I imagine this was the biggest contribution from the seaweed), it has a surprising freshness to the aroma that is atypical of most malty beers. The label brags that this aroma is "fresh seabreeze," and I'll concede on the fresh part. There isn't any of that briny, salty quality that often attributable to seabreeze.

Concerning its "flavoricity" (sometimes I enjoy construgating my own lexiconism), Kelpie is chocolatey and has a nice roasted malt aftertase, but also very clean and with a lighter mouthfeel than anticipated. Although this may be unfairly pejorative, I can't help but describe the taste as a watery stout. The roasted barley and dark crystal malt flavors are there, but I suppose the seaweed addition has lessened there impact on the palate by a significant degree.

Despite the obvious reference to kelp, Kelpie is actually named after a mythical, malevolent, shapeshifting water horse that is said to haunt rivers and lochs in Scotland. I've also heard that Kelpie get +1 to their saving throws vs. drunkards (hello to all our nerdy readers).

The Verdict

• Kelpie has a very pleasing and fresh aroma. Its a very clean stout, which can be both a good thing and a bad thing. Those anticipating a beer that's heavy on malt flavor and mouthfeel will be dissapointed, as will those who were hoping to drink a beer that tasted like fish (you sick f***s).
  
• I can't decide if Scotland is Off The Beaten Path material, so I'll stall until my next Scottish beer.
  
• Maybe it's a Scottish thing, but the beer label says they used "Bladder Rack," but I thought it was spelled "bladderwrack." Bonus points for finding a typo? No, I didn't think so...
  
• There were other clearer drawings of Kelpie, but the one I have above is so freaky I couldn't resist posting it.

One Offs: Uerige Doppel Sticke! Oi Oi Oi!

Guten tag! It's Oktoberfest season (which, for reasons I can't be bothered to google, is celebrated in September). This means that there will be many delicious lagers on your store shelves begging to be tasted. I anticipate subsequent posts on this blog will focus on these tasty beverages, but today's beer, although from Germany, is not an Oktoberfest. In fact, it's not even a lager. Today's beer is the Uerige Doppel Sticke, a deliciously dark altbier from Dusseldorf.

Wherein I Describe The Beer
Doppel Sticke pours a lasting, off-white, creamy head. It is a deep, dark brown color; it's almost black. One good whiff of this beer reveals a rich aroma of dark brown sugar, figs, molasses, dark brown sugar, and hint of grape. Oddly enough, it's bouquet reminds me of a well aged Chimay Gran Reserve. The flavor is just as rich. Those molasses, brown sugar, grape and fig notes are just as strong in the taste, with the addition of a slight chocolate malt flavor. It has a wonderfully thick mouthfeel and coats the tongue. Well after my first sip I found the flavors lasting. The flavors come predominantly from the malt, but some earthy hop character is hiding there in the back.

Ladies and gentlmen may I introduce the future Mrs. Beerrister.

The Verdict

• Spelling Oktoberfest with a "c" is a Class "C" Felony. Oh ho ho! The cheesy joke quota has been filled for the week.
  
• Uerige Doppel Sticke is a hell of a good altbier. If you want a big bodied, big flavored, malty beast of a brew, then you should pop the flip top on a Doppel Sticke and get drinking.


• Keeping it short and sweet this post folks. A long vacation means my ability to ramble is rather rusty.

Off The Beaten Path: Benediction from New Zealand

G'day! Welcome to the second installment of Off The Beaten Path, where I sample beers from around the world. Although not entirely eschewing European traditions with this installment's beer, we are at least discussing a beverage that was brewed in a different hemisphere, as well as from a country that is not readily associated with beer. From the land that brought us Flight of the Conchords (which is funny) and Dead Alive (which is both disgusting AND funny), we have...a Belgian-style Abbey Ale? Sure, why not: Benediction by Ben Middlemiss Brewing from Waiheke, New Zealand.

Before I give the beer a proper description, I'd like to pass on this interesting tidbit. This beer was selected by Michael Jackson (him, not him) as one of the 10 Most Exciting Beers of the Millennium and was featured at Jackson's gala event at the Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology in good 'ol Philadelphia way back in 2000. However, Benediction hasn't been back in the States since. That is, until 2010. That's this year, in case you haven't been paying attention to current events (is the date a current event? It certainly is current, but it's about as eventful as the sun rising). Without further ado, let's see if Benediction has lived up to its decade old hype.

In New Zealand, Miller Lite pours counterclockwise out of the vortex bottle. Unfortunately, it still tastes like piss-water.

Wherein I Describe The Beer
Benediction is a bottle conditioned beer, orange-brownish in color and slightly murky (which is mostly my fault, as I poorly decanted the beer and got some trub in the glass). It clocks in at around 8.7% ABV. Benediction's aroma first presents the malt with a touch of musty leaf hop aroma, but later gives way to funky cheese and then, unfortunately, a dirty sweat sock. Taste-wise, Benediction has an acidic bite to it (probably from acidulated malt), a slight hop character and an disappointingly light body. Normally you'd see several sentences worth of colorful adjectives describing the beer's taste, but all I can think to write is that this beer tastes bland.

While drinking it, I actually said aloud "How is this beer a Belgian-style ale?" Perhaps the brewer was going for a variation on a dubbel-style beer, but this bottle of Benediction lacked many of the characteristics I would associate with Belgian beer. The aroma was off-putting and the flavors were not present. The bottle's packaging suggest that it would benefit from 4-5 years of aging, and of course this bottle is from 2010. Perhaps with some time the flavors would come through and the sweat sock aroma would mellow back down towards a more pleasing funky cheese scent, but 4-5 years is a long time to wait for something I'm not sure is going to be worth drinking again.

Maybe it WAS this Michael Jackson. I wouldn't necessarily take his advice on good beer.
His advice on fashion? Well, that's a horse of a different color. Nothing but love for the one glove.

The Verdict

• Benediction smells bad and is lacking in flavor. Although this was a very young bottle, I wouldn't wait 4-5 years for another sip. Skip it.
  
• A lot can happen in 10 years. Perhaps this beer has undergone an unfortunate metamorphosis and is no longer the beverage Mr. Jackson sampled all those years ago. Regardless, Benediction hasn't lived up to the hype.
  
• Dead Alive is the best Peter Jackson movie. Better than LoTR. Yeah, I said it.
  
  

One Offs: St. Ambroise Pale Ale (that's "Biere Blonde" for all you French-Canadians)

A PREAMBLE TO THE REVIEW
by The Beerrister (c) 2010 Drunkard in a Bathrobe Reviews Ltd.

I started this blog for a number of reasons. One was because I wanted to be groovy and just get my opinions out there. Two was because I wanted a record of all the beers I've tried (you know, to ensure that future political opponents will have adequate ammunition for their smear campaigns). Those two very good justifications aside, I've thrown my hat into the ever expanding blogosphere primarily because my cousin told me to.

Now this particular cousin lives in Vancouver and has been known to enjoy a tasty malt beverage now and again, so during a recent conversation I asked him about craft beer in Canada. His response (if I remember it correctly) was somewhat surprising: craft beer was scarce in his neck of the woods. Admittedly, most of the beer I know that comes from Canada is brewed by Molson or Unibroue...or is made with hemp (thank you, my stoner ex-roommate). Still, I thought that there had to be a craft beer scene in the Great White North. I started looking around for non-Molson/Labatt Canadian beer to try and this caught my eye: St. Ambroise Pale Ale, by the McAuslan Brewery in Montreal.

Not to be confused with St. Ambrose, the patron saint of bees (not making that up).
Just remember: one is a beer, the other is a long dead bishop who probably tastes awful.

Wherein I Describe The Beer
St. Ambroise Pale Ale has good clarity and is dark amber/reddish in color. Its develops a small head with quickly dissolves to a thin film. The smell is reminiscent of a French red ale: neutral in hop and yeast character with a big malty punch. The taste is similar to a French red ale as well; it is very rich and malty (lots of crystal malt flavor), with little contribution from hops and yeast. Although this might sound strange, St. Ambroise Pale Ale's flavor reminds me of taffy (molasses taffy is probably what I'm recalling). Others who have tasted this beer might be perplexed with my choice of adjective, but "taffy" is honestly the first thing that popped into my mind when I drank this beer. The beer has good carbonation and a medium body. The ABV was not listed on the bottle, but the website lists it at 5%. For those readers who enjoy comparisons, think of St. Ambroise Pale Ale as Kronenberg 1664's younger brother. I'll let you unpack that last sentence on your own.

Do you ever feel guilty getting sloshed drinking a beer that directly references Catholicism?
I didn't think so...

The Verdict

• St. Ambroise Pale Ale walks like a French red ale, swims like a French red ale and quacks like a French red ale. So it's kind of like a duck? Wait...
  
• Overall the beer is pretty average, so don't go out of your way to find a bottle, unless the dearth of craft beer in Canada is worse than my cousin suggested. It cost me roughly $2.19 for the bottle, so factor that into whether you want to give this a try.
  
• Canada is not exotic enough to fall under the "Off The Beaten Path" category (sorry, you can blame Molson for that).
  
• I need to stop referencing Bob and Doug McKenzie before I get flogged by the Dissociative Editor...again. Besides, The Kids in the Hall are funnier and just as Canadian.

One Offs: Porkslap Pale Ale Farmhouse Ale Beer Ale For Drinking Ale

When I decided to do a segment on strange beer (and yes, I will have some interesting beer to talk about in the near future), I decided to do a little research and see what odd concoctions I could discover via cyberspace. My initial search took me to a beer that, upon drinking, is not all that strange, despite its peculiar and slightly pornographic name. I'm talking about Porkslap brewed by Butternuts Beer & Ale out of Garrattsville, NY.

Now that you know the name of the beer, I'm sure you have a few questions. Let me first answer the question that I am sure is on everyone's mind: yes, I am single. However, I am a man of discerning taste (as evidenced by the fact that I drink Porkslap beer). Having said that, I must ask that...well...please refer to this gentleman's t-shirt. Just kidding ladies; I havetandards.
Okay, now we can start on the more relevant questions. I'm sure you're wondering what a beer named Porkslap tastes like. Some of you have probably guessed that it's a rauchbier, and you would be WRONG WRONG WRONG! Porkslap is a "Pale Ale Farmhouse Ale," which is both redundant and very nondescript. The only reason I'm calling it a P.A.F.A. is because that's what it says on the can. You heard...er...read me right: Porkslap comes in a can. It's a trend that I've noticed amongst some craft brewers (see Slyfox), but I'll talk more about canning vs. bottling in a future post. For now, let's get to the meat of this review.

Wherein I Describe The Beer
Porkslap is amber in color and translucent, but not the clearest beer. It develops a thin white head that lasted throughout the drink session. As I sipped, the head laced down the glass, which is always a pretty sight. As for the aroma, Porkslap smells of earthy hops and, surprisingly, ginger. I say surprisingly because you don't expect that kind of smell from a beer named Porkslap. It turns out that ginger is actually an ingredient in the beer. This might turn off some of you, but it actually works very well with the hops.

Taste-wise, the ginger really hits you up front, but quickly achieves an equilibrium with the malty base of the beer. For those who homebrew, the taste is comparable to the types of flavor you get from crystal malts (plus ginger). For those who don't homebrew, why the hell aren't you homebrewing? Hop flavor is present and works harmoniously with the ginger and malt, but does not overpower like in some American pale ales. Porkslap is pretty light in both mouthfeel and alcohol, finishing somewhat dry and only clocking in at 4.3% ABV.

I was thinking about calling my latest batch of homebrew a Chicken-choker Brown Ale,
but then I decided against it. Chicken-choker is a much better name for my stout.

The Verdict

• Porkslap is not a bacon beer. I'm still not sure I would call it a P.A.F.A. Maybe an amber ale with ginger would be a more appropriate description.
  
• Its kind of kitschy to drink craft beer from a can.
  
• Porkslap has a good aroma and an intersting and refreshing taste if a somewhat lackluster mouthfeel. It would probably taste better in a bottle, but that's a discussion for another day.
  
• If you want a low ABV session beer for your next lawnmower ride, try a can of Porkslap.


• I broke my previous record for unnecessary hyperlinks--And for that you will be punished!--...Ah fiddlesticks...

One Offs: De Dochter van de Korenaar's Embrasse

As a gastronomically adventurous person with the ability to type with all of his fingers (take that, dad!), I enjoy walking into a bar and trying new beers...and then going home and writing about them. On a recent foray into my local watering hole, I noticed a tall bottle of beer wrapped in brown paper. My first thought was, "Brown paper? Hey! I can drink this on the walk home!" My second thought was "What the hell is so special about this beer that the brewer felt it needed to be gift wrapped?" I picked it up and read the label: De Dochter van de Korenaar. Translation: The Doctor of Corns? Is this a beer made by a podiatrist? [No no no no you simple man. The correct translation is "The Daughter of the Ear of Corn." - Dissociative ED] Ok, I'm guessing that has something to do with barley. Or maybe they're talking about those little baby corns that come in your Lo Mein. Well, whatever. Like Billy Shakespeare said, "What's in a name, other than a buncha letters?" But enough jibba-jabba, let's herein describe the beer.

Wherein I Describe The Beer
This particular bottle from The Daughter of the Ear of Corn was called Embrasse, which I have not bothered to translate. The card attached to the bottle recommended that I try Embrasse warm with a dash of whipped cream. Although I normally trust the brewers recommendations re: how to best enjoy their beer, I wasn't in the mood for an alcoholic hot chocolate. I poured Embrasse into a wide mouth glass. It developed a creamy beige head that was small and didn't lace. Embrasse is a dark, opaque beer reminiscent of a stout in appearance.

Embrasse's first standout feature is its aroma, which smells sweet and fruity, like candi sugar and plums. Its the type of aroma you would expect from a trappist ale, like Chimay Blue. The taste, however, is more like a stout. There are hints of chocolate, lots of coffee, and a slight grape flavor. This beer is sweet and has little to no hop character, despite De Dochter Etc.'s claim that this beer contains a "generous dose of hops." Embrasse clocks in at 9% ABV, which makes for a very strong stout. If I had to label the beer, I'd call it an imperial stout, likely fermented with a trappist yeast strain.

One of these days I'll buy a camera and start taking my own pictures of beer rather than
stealing them from other websites. Picture is unrelated. Very unrelated. HOW'D IT GET BURNED!?!?

The Verdict

• Embrasse is a decent imperial stout with a great aroma and might actually taste good if you drank it warm with whipped cream. For the gastronomically adventurous, why not treat yourself to a cafe-embrasse.
  
  
• Embrasse cost me $12 just for a 22 oz. bottle. That's not that bad when you consider that 22 oz. is close to two beers.
  
  
• Nic Cage is pretty awesome.
  

One Offs: Crooked Tree IPA from Dark Horse Brewing Company

In an effort to expand my coverage of this fine industry that is craft brewing, I've decided to sample an IPA. But first, a disclaimer: IPAs are not my favorite style of beer. In fact, I would probably place it rather low on my list of favorite beer styles. Definitely not as low as rauchbier, but certainly low. There are a number of reasons why this is so. Here's all of them:

1. The extreme bitterness of most American IPAs wrecks my palate and ensures that all I will taste, no matter what I drink or eat, is hops.
2. A bad IPA has such a cloying bitterness to it that I usually can't get past the first few sips.
3. The majority of IPAs are one note and are lacking in complexity or any other flavors beyond the fact that they are hop bombs.
4. Even if I find a good one, I can usually only drink one due to the high IBUs.

Most of these reasons are matters of personal preference and I don't mean to diminish anyone's enjoyment of IPAs. I have in fact enjoyed some IPAs (especially an aged DFH 120 Minute, which I will discuss is a later post for sure). I also understand that there are people who are more able to tolerate the extreme hoppy character of IPAs. Putting my personal preference aside, I still believe that an IPA can and should have more going for it than just bitterness. Hop character should be dominant, but I think a really good IPA still has a good malt backbone and a more balanced flavor than is typically associated with your standard IPA.

Having fully disclaimed my bias towards less hoppy beer (equivocation and ass-covering being second nature to a lawyer), let's start talking about today's IPA: Crooked Tree IPA from Dark Horse Brewing.

Wherein I Talk About The Beer
Crooked Tree pours out a small white head that shortly dissolves to a thin film. Its dark amber in color and a bit hazy, likely the result of my dumping the trub into the glass. The piny hop aroma is balanced in the nose by a sweet maltiness. That maltiness is mostly lost in the flavor, as hop bitterness dominates. Hop flavor persists in the aftertaste beyond the other elements of the beer, but all flavor dissipates faster than expected. Crooked Tree is light in body and could probably benefit from aging, which would allow some of the hop flavor to drop out and result in a more balanced beer. If I were to compare it to another beer, I would say it is a weaker DFH 60 Minute IPA.

In the future, "hopping" will refer to the injection of hops directly into the bloodstream.

Today, American microbreweries corner the market on syringes and plastic tubing.

The Verdict

• Hop-heads can find stronger IPAs, but IPA virgins might use Crooked Tree as a stepping stone towards something more gargantuan.
  
  
• For those who know IPAs and have read the above-unscripted ramblings, you've probably noticed that my description could apply to many IPAs on the market right now. There is little to distinguish Crooked Tree from other IPAs, so don't go out of your way to find a bottle. However...
  
  
• The price tag was $2.50 a bottle at the bar. That's pretty damn good for a craft brew. If you're out partying and only have a few bucks, put down the High Life and drink a Crooked Tree IPA.